Monkey Business
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Tifa tries to teach Reno a lesson in responsibility. Will he learn? ReTi oneshot for ToWriteLoveOnHerArms08.


Monkey Business

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for ToWriteLoveOnHerArms08 so enjoy! Please R&R.

As Reno padded over to the kitchen counter to fix himself some coffee, he heard some movement behind him. A pair of toned arms wrapped around his waist and he was kissed in the crook of his neck.

"Hmmm...good morning..." Tifa's voice said somewhat lethargically in his ear.

"What are you so happy about?" Reno asked his wife. He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded to his question.

"No reason...I just got you a present to take with you to work today."

"Is it a dog?" Reno asked. He had wanted to get a dog last week but Tifa had put her foot down. Apparently Reno couldn't handle the responsibility of a pet, according to Tifa.

"You'll find out. I felt kind of guilty outright refusing you like that so consider this my apology."

After breakfast with Tifa, she saw Reno off, handing him a carrier with air holes in it. The Turk couldn't see what exactly was in there but he heard something moving and shrieking. Driving up to work, he parked his car and went inside, the carrier tucked close to his body.

Giving a two fingered salute to Tseng, who sighed in exasperation, Reno came to his chair and sat down. Setting the carrier on his desk, he opened it. A blur rushed out, screeching loudly. Beside Reno's work area, Rude gave a slight cry of alarm when he felt something perched on his head.

"Oh, so that's what Tifa got me." The bald Turk turned around and saw Reno looking at him with a smirk on his face. Reno then came forward and picked whatever was on Rude's head up. What was held in Reno's arms was a blond furred monkey with wide brown eyes.

"A monkey?" Rude asked, glaring a little at Reno.

"Yep...and a female monkey at that!" Reno said, noticing the monkey's gender. Taking in Rude's glare, he chuckled nervously. "Sorry about that, I'll just be getting to work now." And with a wave he went back to his desk, the monkey sticking her tongue out at the bald man. Rude's eyebrow twitched.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Reno stared at his new pet and petted her fur, the monkey giving him a sloppy kiss in return.

"You're so cute! But what should I call you?" The monkey then started chattering away as fast as it could and inspiration struck. "I've got it! Laney, your name from now on is Laney." Laney, as the monkey was now christened, cocked her head to the side before leaping from Reno's lap to the floor. She then vanished and Reno decided to wait awhile before chasing after her.

Elena gave a nod of satisfaction at her pile of perfectly organized paperwork, all filled out correctly and finished. On top of this she had arrived for work twenty minutes early today and the blond couldn't wait to see if she could beat this new record tomorrow. Grabbing a pen, she sat down and started filling out her latest stack, humming a tune to herself.

A few minutes after she had started she felt someone picking at her hair. Turning around, she didn't see anyone but felt a weight on her shoulders. Ignoring it for now, she resumed her work until she felt something pull a hair from her head.

"Reno, cut it out!" A loud shriek went off by her ear and then something dived down her undershirt, pawing wildly as it tried to get out. "Tseng, Rude, help! Somethings attacking me!" Elena yelled as loud as she could. By this point the blond had jumped out of her chair and was moving around frantically, body jerking this way and that as she tried to get whatever was under her clothes out.

Tseng and Rude walked up to her then and both men watched as Elena moved around. Tseng was up first and he lifted Elena's shirt. The blond's hands instantly covered her breasts and the creature inside dashed into view, leaping onto Rude's bald head.

Elena glared at the monkey while straightening out her shirt and jacket. The monkey blew a raspberry in reply and Elena's fists clenched.

"Permission to skin that little pest, sir?" Elena asked.

"Permission denied. I believe that animal belongs to Reno," the Wutain responded.

"Laney, where are you?" Reno's voice called out a moment later. The red head then came into view. "Laney?"

"I'm right here with your stupid pet," Elena said angrily.

"I wasn't talking to you Laney, I was talking to Laney here," Reno said, pointing to Laney the monkey. She gave a howl of joy when she saw him and bounded off Rude's head onto his shoulder. "Hey girl, causing trouble huh?" Reno asked the simian.

"You named it Laney?" Elena questioned. Reno nodded.

"Yep, because she has blond fur and won't shut her yap, just like you." Elena saw red then and ran towards Reno. She was about to shake him senseless and maybe slap him when she was stopped by two wide brown eyes looking into hers. Laney the monkey was shivering a little at her approach and held out a hand, low shrieks emanating from her mouth.

"So cute..." Elena murmured, hypnotized by the big eyes the monkey was blinking at her. She took Laney from Reno's arms and the simian wrapped her own around Elena's neck, a big slobbery kiss finding it's mark on the female Turk's cheek.

"Looks like she likes you," Reno said with a smirk on his face. And even though Laney had just gotten some slobber on Elena's cheek, she didn't care.

Laney's brow suddenly furrowed and she looked upset. A squelching sound was heard and Elena's suit jacket was ruined, to say nothing of the smell that now wafted from Elena's body. Rude and Tseng plugged their noses while Elena wanted to die of embarrassment right then and there.

Laney then leaped over to Tseng and poked the dot in the middle of his forehead, screeching loudly.

Needless to say, Reno was tasked with picking Laney's mess up.

* * *

As the sun was setting in the horizon, Reno walked though the front door of his house. Tifa came to greet him and kissed him on the cheek.

"How was your day?"

"Well I certainly learned how tough it is to be responsible when you have a monkey. And if you see Elena in the next few days, be sure to bring an air freshener." Tifa sighed and shook her head.

"So I guess a pet isn't such a good idea, is it?"

"Not for this Turk. Now how was your day?" The couple had moved to the couch by this point and Tifa took Reno's hand.

"I felt really sick an hour after you left so I decided to go to the hospital," Tifa said softly. She felt Reno tense at that but gave him a warm smile. "And I found out we're having a baby." Reno's eyes widened and his mouth was hanging open for several seconds before a grin took it's place. Hugging Tifa tightly, he proceeded to shower kiss after kiss all over her belly and face.

Tifa giggled through his ardent ministrations but eventually put her hands on his shoulders and stopped him.

"Slow down there handsome, we have to decide if we're keeping the monkey or not."

"I say we get rid of her. And I know just the person to give her to."

"Who's that?" Tifa asked.

A smirk was the only answer she got.

* * *

The next day, after the tenth shower Elena had taken, the blond walked towards her living room, a bathrobe draping her body. She still smelt like the rear end of that cute but devilish monkey. A few kids had called her smelly, Tseng wouldn't come near her, and plants wilted when she got to close.

Why did she have to suffer like this?

Her doorbell rang, interrupting her pity party, and the female Turk answered the door. A pet carrier was on her doorstep with a note addressed for her. Opening the carrier, a familiar shriek rang out, followed by Laney the monkey leaping into her arms.

"Reno..." Elena muttered angrily. But as the monkey looked up at her with it's wide brown eyes, Elena couldn't keep the smile from her face. "I'll get you trained and we'll have a lot of fun getting that red headed jerk back, won't we?" Elena said to the monkey.

The Turk failed to notice the furrowed brow until it was too late and the disgusted cry of the blond rang out into the clear night sky.


End file.
